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You’re well aware that I have won only one raffle in my entire life. A few months back, I picked up a Gift Certificate for an expensive restaurant, while my boyfriend came home with an armload of books, thanks to a charity organization for which I do quite a bit of volunteer work. Everybody loves winning, of course. In the spirit of fantasy, here is a list of prizes I wish to win. Be sure to print out your Raffle Tickets accordingly.

• Cat obedience lessons My kitty could use a refresher course in following instructions. I would especially appreciate it if he learned not to wake me up on the weekends.
• Queer Eye for the Straight Guy I love that man of mine, but he’s a bit rough around the edges. I shan’t hold my breath for the full makeover, but if they could just get the engine grease out from under his fingernails, it would suffice.
• In-house staff Why can’t I live the posh life? I want to win a butler, a maid, and a cook. While I’m at it, I might as well wish for a hereditary estate with an income. I’ll take a title, too.
• Tea with the Queen All I’m saying is that, if Buckingham Palace is strapped for cash, they could really make better use of their resources. I would pay two quid for a chance at that!
• Night at the Library Am I the only one who has dreamed since childhood of having the library entirely to myself?
• Everyone else gets a holiday In my ultimate fantasy prize, everyone around me get tickets to some far-flung locale. I stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet.

So start arranging prizes and printing those Raffle Tickets today. You can count on my contribution. I would pay quite a bit of money to win any of these prizes!

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